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FAQs:
What are your thoughts regarding the use of condoms?
Are there clubs in our area?
How do we meet others who are interested in the lifestyle?
What do all these terms I see in ads mean?
How do I convince my partner to swing?
Is it normal to be jealous the first time you swinging?
What kind of people are swingers?
So, how do we get started?
What is the difference between an on-premise club and an off-premise club?
What should we ask the club host/owner when we call?
Why is it so hard to find a single female to join us?
So are the couples who want a single female completely out of luck?
What is soft-swinging?
We are going to a club for the first time, what should we expect?
We are about to meet someone for the first time, where should we meet, what should we do?
Is swinging just for couples?
I'm a single male, how can I get involved in the lifestyle?
We made it through dinner, now what?
FAQs & Answers:
What are your thoughts regarding the use of condoms?
Although nothing is perfect, nor guaranteed, for eleven years we have been very careful with whom we play and only play with long-term stable couples; this has worked very well for us. Some couples initially insist on the use of condoms to address the issues of safe sex. However, more often than not they change their position when they look very carefully at realistic condom use. For example, condoms usually fail in circumstances with issues of initial improper placement of the condom while in an excited state, wicking seepage, overflow spillage, breakage, improper fit, loose fit with a semi-rigid erection, skin contact after ejaculation, or non-condom male or female oral sex, etc. There is much more to the spread of a sexually transmitted disease than the simple collection of semen. Reliance on condoms to prevent the contraction of a sexually transmitted disease is an unfortunate false security. The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in Atlanta, Georgia say that "Abstinence and sexual intercourse with one mutually faithful uninfected partner are the only totally effective prevention strategies. . . condom use cannot completely eliminate the risk of transmission to themselves or to others." The CDC is our country’s top agency for disease management. Frankly, we wouldn’t have sex with someone that we know has a sexually transmitted disease with a biohazard suit on, much less a condom. Would you? Simply said, safe sex resides in the initial choice when determining with whom a person plays. We have found that condoms chill the physical sensation so much and fail to offer any significant "real" protection that we try to avoid placing ourselves in a "condom required" situation. Most long-term couples don’t use condoms with each other for protection against sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy perhaps, but not for disease prevention. In plain words, we like full swap sex as "natural" as possible.
Are there clubs in our area?
The best way to find out if there is a club in your area is to go to Google and search for Swinger Clubs and the name of your state and or city. We have listed several online dating sites on our recommended sites page. Joining one of these sites usually gives you access to people who run house parties and member only clubs in an area. Yahoo also has a large number of groups listed within the groups section. Just search as you would on Google. If you still have problems finding one near you - public or private, email me and I will see what I can come up with and email you back. email: DrCher@swinging101.info
How do we meet others who are interested in the lifestyle?
Join one of the online swinger dating clubs. The ones we have listed can be searched with very specific criteria including location and exactly what you are looking for in another couple. Based on our experience, couples within this universe are very friendly - I mean the ultimate goal is to meet, see if there is chemistry and then get naked. So they are usually very approachable. An initial contact with a simple "we enjoyed your profile - please give ours a glance and see what you think - Thanks", will usually do it. Protocol normally calls for a response even if you don't want to hook-up. If someone contacts you and their profile does not do it for you, then a simple "we don't think we are a good match, but thanks anyway" is the polite thing to do.
What do all these terms I see in ads mean?
See our dictionary page for a full listing of terms and definitions.
How do I convince my partner to swing?
This is a tough one - in my (Cher's) opinion, if you have to cajole or convince, then you are both not on the same page. Swinging works best for couples who have a very strong foundation. If you can't bring it up to your partner without fear of reprimand, then it's probably not a good idea. Open communication will be key for couples to swing successfully. If your partner is intrigued by the idea, but a little hesitant, you may try to find a party of club to go to and observe with no pressure to perform. It can also be fun to take a clothing optional vacation as a swinger oriented resort such as Desire in Cancun Mexico.
Is it normal to be jealous the first time you swing?
Hmmmmmmm.......it is important to pay attention to your partner’s reaction to the swinging situation. Talk about the experience and get it all out on the table. If the jealousy is pervasive and it ruins your partners experience - then this may not be for you.
What kind of people are swingers?
In our experience, swingers are very open friendly people. They usually fit a profile of middle class all the way to upper - upper class. They are usually smart and affluent and very fun to hang out with. We have couples that we play with who would rather go camping and we have other couples we play with whose idea of camping is room service. The key is to find couples you mesh with.
So, how do we get started?
Join an online club - we have the ones we prefer listed on our recommended sites page. Go to a swingers club if there is one in your area. You can usuallg google swingers club and your city - to see if there is one.
What is the difference between an on-premise club and an off-premise club?
An on-premise club means they have rooms for people to go into to have sex. These are large rooms, where people can participate or just watch.
An off-premise club is a place to hook up and party, but sex on the property is not allowed. Even though sex is not allowed, the sexual atmosphere is still highly charged.
What should we ask the club host/owner when we call?
What is the cover charge to get in the door? Do they allow single males? Is it an on-premise club or an off-premise club? What is their average attendance?
Why is it so hard to find a single female to join us?
The single female is the holy grail of swinging. Everyone is looking for one to join them in the bedroom. I (Cher) have a couple of theories as to why this is so. First of all, in the swing universe, there are a lot of bi- or bi-curious females. This is a way for them to bring a female into the bedroom in a non-threatening way. Second, I have never met a man, who didn't want to have two women in bed with him. Therefore, the single female is someone a lot of couples continue to look for. Since there is a greater demand than there is supply to meet it, there is always a shortage of the ever elusive single female.
So are the couples who want a single female completely out of luck?
No - but it will take persistence on the couples who are looking for one.
What is soft-swinging?
Soft swinging is simply a couple who is comfortable trading partners up to a point, but don't want penetration with anyone but their spouse.
We are going to a club for the first time, what should we expect?
It is just going to depend on the club. Most of the time, they are like a regular night club with possible nudity, a highly charged sexual atmosphere and the possibility of on-premise sex if that is allowed. If you have a particular club in mind, you can contact a few couples in your area online and see if they have been to that particular club before.
We are about to meet someone for the first time, where should we meet, what should we do?
Meet in a place you both find comfortable. A restaurant or a club is a popular choice among a lot of couples.
Is swinging just for couples?
No - there are couples who like to have a single male and a lot of couples like to have a single female included.
I'm a single male, how can I get involved in the lifestyle?
Joining an online club is your first step. See our recommendations page. Next - if you have swinger nightclubs in your area, call around and see if there are ones that allow single males, or if they have a single guys night.
We made it through dinner, now what?
You usually know by the end of dinner if there is chemistry between couples. Someone is going to have to come out and ask the question "what do you want to do now"? "We think you are a great couple - do you want to hook-up?" or my favorite " Does anyone want to get naked now?" Remember - a lot of couples do not want to hook-up on the first date and a lot do. If you do and they don't, you just have to take it at their speed and decide if you want to have a second date with them. One of my husbands favorite stories to tell about me involves a house party we went to once for a couple who was fairly new in the lifestyle. By the end of the evening there were three couples left sitting around talking, and talking, and talking, and talking. We had talked for 5 hours. I couldn't take it anymore. It wasn't like everyone wasn't aware of why everyone else was there. Finally - I excused myself to the bathroom, stripped down to my g-string and walked out of the bathroom and asked if anyone wanted to join me. That was all it took. Clothes flew off at record speeds and the rest was a fun night to remember.
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